An open letter to M&M’s

Dear M&M’s,

I would like to respectfully request that you kindly keep your distance from Pip. You somehow manage to cram about a pound of sugar into each tiny piece. How do you do that? Magic candy coating? Do you have any idea what that does to a two year old? Bad things. Very bad things indeed.

While you’re at it, would you please stay away from Pip’s grandparents as well? That way, they won’t be tempted to spoil her with good, old fashioned, tooth rotting, insulen spiking, crazy making fun. I don’t know what kind of spell you have worked on them, but they can’t stop themselves. “Three packets aren’t enough? Here, have another. Have some YanYan too.” Because nothing compliments sugar coated sugar better than neon pink sugar fluff.

Oh, and that was pretty sneaky, convincing grandma to sneak two more bags into Pip’s purse. After witnessing two hours of twitching, tossing and turning and another 20 minutes of banging her head against the wall before falling asleep at 11pm, you can imagine my thrill upon discovering that she found those two secret bags at 7am and devoured them in the time it took M to brush his teeth. Thanks for that.

I have worked really hard  to expose Pip to a variety of nutritios foods. She likes salmon, spinach, sprouted grain toast, cabbage, berries and soba noodles.  I am afraid you are going to spoil her palette to the point where she will only eat mac and cheese. Please don’t do this.


I will get a restraining order if I have to.


Yours most cordially,



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