anticipation

Christmas is in …wait, what?!?! Four days?!? Um, how did that happen?

When I got home from work yesterday, Abby said “Mama, Daddy says Christmas is in 5 days.” I told her that this was true and she smiled and sighed with relief. The girl has been working herself into a tizzy for a month. “But when is it going to be Christmas?” she asks me every day. I explain that Christmas is the end of a wonderful holiday season and that the month of December is to be savored and I explain all the fun things that will happen. Blah, blah, blah.

“Yes, but when will it be Christmas Eve and I will go to sleep and when I am sleeping, Santa will come and bring me presents?”

I tell her how many days and tears well up in her eyes.

“Ohhhhh, I’m afraid that’s too long!”

Apparently, 5 days is not too long. Although later she did say “I wish it was only 4 days.”

This is where she and I are different. My mother used to show me which cabinet she was hiding the presents in so I wouldn’t find them by mistake. I never peeked. Not once. I wasn’t even tempted. I would sometimes sit and gaze at the cabinet, daydreaming about the treasures that were locked inside.  I loved the anticipation as much as I loved Christmas morning. And I wouldn’t have ruined the surprise for anything. Marcus and Abby wrapped some of my presents and put them under the tree last week.

“Mama, when you get to open your presents?” she asks me three times a day.

I explain that I will open them when she opens her presents after Santa comes. I get the same response I get from telling her how many days it is until Christmas. Yesterday I explained that we will all take turns.

“But you can go first?”

“Well yes, I can. But don’t you want to go first?”

“NO, I want YOU to open YOUR presents first!”

And maybe we aren’t so different after all because I am jumping out of my skin with excitement. I am way more excited that I ever was as a child. I find myself daydreaming about her reaction Christmas morning, wondering which gifts will be her favorite, wondering if she will gaze in shock or if she will squeal in delight. I just love the magic of it all. I love that I get to be the magician behind it. And then it hits me…

Santa Claus is real. I am Santa Claus.

Sometimes I just can’t believe how lucky I am.

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3 thoughts on “anticipation

  1. wow bronwyn, you were a very disciplined little girl! our presents were always hidden away and we never got to see them or know about their existence before christmas morning. these days my presents from my parents lie under their tree and i can’t resist touching and poking them, trying to make out what’s inside!

  2. I love this Bronwyn, yes YOU are Santa and you’re right. What a blessing it is to play that part for a short time. That’s a wonderful way to look at it. I was a snooper but my daughter was not. I remember my brother and I ripping through the wrapping paper like crazy kids but my daughter would slowly hand out presents one at a time and wait for people to open theirs before she would move on to another one. It’s funny how in some ways we are so very much the same and in others – worlds apart. I guess the fact that her degree is in Biology and mine is in Art kind of sums it up.
    Merry Christmas Santa.

  3. This is a really beautiful entry. Your little girl sounds – too cute for words. I hope her Christmas was enchanted and exciting.
    And I hope you both have a lovely New Year!

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